Beautiful, Elegant, Farty

I'm not allergic to bees. When they sting me it hurts. I drive a green Chevy Lumina. It's a car. One time when I went camping, my friend spread spices all over the camp site because we hadn't seen a bear even though we'd been camping for ten days and he really wanted to see a bear. Bears can be killed if you shoot them in the heart. Bears like honey which comes from beautiful beehives. Bees can't sting me if I'm inside my Chevy Lumina unless they are also inside my car. If you're allergic to bees, your heart could stop when you get stung. One time my grandma sent me a book when a friend died when I was about ten. It was called A Taste of Blackberries and it was about a boy who died when he was stung by a bee and no one helped him because he was known as a prankster. His heart stopped. Sometimes when you have a heart attack, you fart a lot. In another book called Hatchet, a pilot farted a whole lot and then died of a heart attack and then this kid had to crash a plane into a lake. I have always wanted to crash my car into a lake (with the windows down, duh). Then I could make up a crazy excuse like there was a storm of bees chasing me or that I saw a bear and freaked out or that my car is just a piece of shit and it deserved to drown. If you saw a car crash into a lake, would you think it was beautiful? Elegant? Farty?

By Christopher Bokonon (my pen name)